i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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