our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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