you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
