Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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