Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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