I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
