woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
