This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
