who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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