whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
