Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
