I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
