You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize