I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
