woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
