the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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