so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
