she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
