bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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