yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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