if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
