Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
