Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
