Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
