help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The adults are the big ones right?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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