he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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