I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize