Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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