well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
