I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
