Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
