i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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