I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize