I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize