I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
