Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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