Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
