dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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