college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
