Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
