You were right. It hurts to walk today.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I need water and some morals
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
