dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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