Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
