yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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