i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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