life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
