You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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