operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
