i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
