Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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