Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
3pm strippers are depressing
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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