you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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