Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
