respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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