You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
