i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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