I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
