Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
