Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
