Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
