I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
