just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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