Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
