yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
