it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
And then he peed in my hair
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
