just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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