I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
