i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
