How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
